Having come up with the idea of riding all methods of transportation I couldn't very well turn down the opportunity to hop onto an elephant. He goes by the name Raja and made for a lovely end to an interesting day. I went for the full tourist hit and went on an organised tour of the surrounding sites. I realise why I don't do organised tours, they actually leave me feeling used and abused. Too much exposure to the many ways someone can fleece you! The actual places visited were worth seeing, it was the unscheduled stops and extra costs that got to me. I don't have the fortitude to take it all in my stride, each attempt to relieve me of my cash sees me sink a little lower. 
After a day of this I'd had enough, Having spent a reasonable amount for the tour I objected to the guide taking us to a a series of places so he could earn a commission from. It isn't on! Taking into consideration he spent the whole day on his mobile phone your truly was not a happy bunny. So please excuse the cynical and cheesed off tone of this entry.Five days were spent in the capital, with very mixed feelings. Each day I walked for hours around the city, through the hottest part of the day. I learnt to keep baggage down to a minimum, it only added to the amount of sweat pouring off me. By only taking my camera and guidebook in my small bag meant little weight and a distinct improvement to my discomfort. And hell, is it hot! I refused to take tuk-tuks, all the drivers are complete reprobates and rip you blind given half a chance. It is constant as I walk around, they slow down and try to coax me into the vehicle. An emphatic no with no other recognition of their presence is normally enough. Normally, there are still plenty who curb crawl using all their wiles to get you in their tuk-tuk. A particularly persistent one tried really hard, so I just treated it as a joke.
“Where am you going?” For a walk! “Where to? I can take you there” Where my legs carry me, I like walking. “ I can take you to many religious shrines, many interesting places” I’ve just walked to all the Hindu and Buddhist shrines. I just want to walk, and I don’t want hashish, cocaine, heroine, a hotel or a woman. “I can take you to see some very nice gems.” I don’t like gems. “ You not like jiggy jiggy?” Yes, but I don’t want jiggy jiggy. By which time we were both smiling hugely and bade each other goodbye.
It has been a battle to cope emotionally since I got here, which surprises me. I was so looking forward to coming here, in fact it was the closest I'd got to enthusiasm in a long time. this has been beaten into submission by the rigours of being hassled for money all the time. Walking around has given me a great buzz with all the happy faces, big beaming smiles and cheery welcomes. Most days this buzz has been devastated by only one or two people trying to rip me off. Each time I've shaken myself free of the blues it's happened again, and now it has got the better of me. In fact today has seen me questioning being here at all. Starting the day was saw me in tears thinking of Cai, and I couldn't pull myself out of it. After three years it doesn't feel I'm any closer to moving on, why isn't it getting damned easier?
Of course it is getting ever closer to the anniversary of Cai's death, as if I need an excuse for grief. taking a while to equate the two it finally linked together my emotions and cranky head state. I had actually chosen to be away form Wales for July 3rd, for that specific reason, amongst the being homeless, fed up and dispossessed. Yeah, that's probably enough for anyone to get the hell out.
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