Wednesday, 30 January 2008

One wheel on my wagon...

Writing can be so efficient at clearing your thoughts; stop writing and the mind becomes a quagmire again! Whenever I stop in one place my writing becomes erratic, and mind games increase. I've lost the dramatic plunges into grief, those were tackled riding the bike around North America; many a miles was spent with tears streaming down my face. It was cleansing, a devestating but beautiful experience, in awesomely beautiful country; it hurt like hell, but took me a long way in the healing process! I'd lost track of those times; fighting panic attacks whilst riding, bursting into tears with complete strangers. Wow, filming a Black bear from only six metres, an amazinf array of wildlife; the highs and lows eh? Those initial days were unbelievably hard to get through alone, but I didn't need to!

I had friends and family giving me all the support they could, whether by phone or Internet. My way of communicating with the world was my blog, it enabled me to involve those who cared about what I was going through, the good and bad. Through writing I have opened my world to you all, I have shared my journey with you all; both spiritual and physical. The power of the written word, eh? I believe it has been appreciated with as much enthusiasm as I've written with. For me, this has been a portal for my life, loves and fears. It's been my therapy, my tormentor at times, my motivation, most often!

At crucial times I've used my blog as a tool to my thoughts, to externalise them and understand them better; the journey has been my main inspiration. Despite the hardships, my commitment has been to completing as much of this trip as possible. Yeah, I feel emotional, damned sure I miss Cai, damned certain it still hurts! But I've come a long way already, I'm stronger now than when I began, much more capable of riding around South America. I have no doubts whether I can tackle adversity, I'm very aware of my physical limits and have been ensuring I don't push too much. For a change, I'm being kind to myself, caring over how I am; emotionally and physically. Obviously people will be concerned for me, maybe more for those closer to me. There again, people should know me better, should trust in me! As expressed before, the riding is just travelling for me. The art of travelling I find easy, it's the emotions I find it hardest to handle. And that's why I'm here, to allow myself the opportunity, the head space, to deal with the emotions. To find my own inner peace, and it is coming, slow but sure; but it is coming!

I was due to leave this morning, for Costa Rica; rain stopped play! I was woken up by Peitr to say goodbye (written with a Dutch accent), he asked why my bike was laying flat. I was instantly convinced someone had knocked it over, fooool! I got a puncture yesterday, it went down overnight, the bike fell over; simple! So I delayed departure for another day, to my luck. I found out about some really good diving in Panama, if I have time before my sailing to Colombia, I'd like to visit for a few days. But I know of a sailing February 15th, I'm trying to book it, but I need a new rear tyre before I leave Panama City. A bike service might not go amiss either, I now need to get back into travel mode. I've had only three days riding in the last six weeks, time to make tracks again folks!

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