Sunday, 2 December 2007

Action Man!

Aha, news on the saga of the missing bike parts! I’ve been chasing them each day at the post office, never any more information than they left San Francisco on the 19th November. It got to the point I wasn’t going to gracefully accept a brush off, I needed to be more insistent. So in my best Spanish I stood my ground and kept asking where they were, if they’d left eleven days ago where had they gone? And in their simplest Spanish, they shrugged their shoulders! I persisted as far as I could without playing the angry Gringo, but they had me stumped when they asked where in Mexico had they been sent. The American postal service hadn’t included that in their dispatch report. Bloody hell, back to square one!

Funnily enough everyone, especially the Mexicans I’d spoken to, assumed it was a Mexican cock up. Not so, the USPS couldn’t tell me where it had been dispatched to; they couldn’t even say by what means it had been sent, could have been bloody donkey for all they knew! I was livid!!! But very pleased with myself, hey, I didn’t even get angry with them; I checked my pulse and took my temperature, no I wasn’t ill! Seems the city of peace has taken effect on me, either that or I’m getting too decrepit to raise a storm. No, I had to accept it and get on with repairs to the last of the bits. A bit of fabrication, for new fixing brackets, and reforming of the side rack will have to do. At least it’s left me with a sense of nearing a departure from La Paz, I just want to get to Honduras for Christmas.

My knee continues to get better, more mobility every day. I’ve still got it strapped during the day, and it still swells a bit over night. The main point is that I feel more confident it will continue to improve whilst I’m travelling, as long as I’m not stupid with it. So I don’t think there’ll be any off road riding for the immediate future, but no reason to deprive myself of those lovely mountain roads on the mainland. Guatemala will be a quick ride just to get through and out the other side, time’s running out before the festivities and I don’t want to be stuck anywhere unpleasant for that. A lovely beach, gorgeous sun and rich marine life to blow my mind. That should do the job!

Sometimes it’s good to sit down and slug back a few beers; of course there are those times when it exacerbates a bad situation. At the moment I can never tell which will be the case, it’s a game of Russian roulette! Recently I’ve been reviewing photos of Cai, and the events I’ve written about in my blog. My accident has given me the time to allow myself this luxury; if it can be referred to in this manner. I felt I needed to open up, to allow myself to express my grief, to release the pain and get on with life. For some stupid reason I thought I could do this in a controlled way, but how can such raw emotion be controlled? How could I expect to turn it on when desired, and remain impassive at inconvenient times?

I’d be worried if it all just stopped though, it would make me feel strange, as though the memory of Cai meant nothing. And right now, one of my biggest pleasures is sharing his photos; whether they upset me or not. Amazingly this cycle of realisation has turned completely since starting to write this entry. To begin with I lost it, had to stop for a considerable time and compose myself. Am I surprised? No, and yes! Not the change occurring, but I didn’t see writing as such a quick tool to my emotional state, I had only recognised the longer term benefits.

True enough, I’ve allowed myself the opportunity to bring the pain out into the open, but there is no way of predicting when, or how strong, this will be. A random photo of Cai on my screen saver can send me into wracking sobs, whilst uploading a batch onto my blog can be a joyous occasion. Last week saw me smiling, so happy to share the images of Cai with the world; since then I’ve barely been able to view a single photo without breaking down. I ended up in tears watching a Cuban Salsa band play last night, I felt happy watching the people dancing and then the floodgates opened! I was stone cold sober. Tonight I thought a drink might numb me more, no such luck, I was worse. Time heals, I wish it would hurry up a bit more. Just when I feel I’m making progress, BAMM, it returns with a vengeance!

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